From Trauma to Fatherhood: Healing While Raising My Son

Becoming a father didn’t just change my life… it forced me to face it.

Before I ever held my son, I carried fear—fear rooted in everything I went through as a child. At just seven years old, I was shot in the head while playing at a park. A month after being released from the hospital, I found myself in another life-threatening situation. People came looking for my dad, threatening my life if they didn’t get what they wanted.

A few weeks later… my dad was gone.

That kind of trauma doesn’t just disappear. It stays with you. It shapes how you see the world, how you move, and how you love.

Growing Up Without a Blueprint

I didn’t grow up seeing what a healthy relationship looked like between a mother and father.

I didn’t have a dad at my basketball games.
I didn’t have someone teaching me how to mow the lawn or control my emotions.

So I was left trying to figure it out on my own:

What does it really mean to be a man?
What does it mean to be a provider… a protector?

I learned by observing others. Watching families. Watching men. Trying to piece together something I never fully experienced.

Becoming the Man I Never Had

Even without that guidance, I kept pushing.

I earned my bachelor’s and master’s degree.
I became a role model for my siblings.

But internally, I was still learning… still healing… still figuring things out.

When Fatherhood Became Real

In 2020, I found out I was going to be a father.

And if I’m being honest… I was scared.

Not because I didn’t want it—but because I didn’t know what it truly meant. How do you be a great father when you didn’t have one to learn from?

Showing Up Anyway

My son lives in Des Moines, and I do everything I can to stay present.

I travel when I can.
I call him every day.
I check on his behavior, his mindset, and his growth.

I try to teach him:
Discipline.
Patience.
Confidence.
Structure.

Everything I had to learn the hard way… I’m trying to give to him early.

Giving Myself Grace

Sometimes I’m hard on myself. I question if I’m doing enough or doing things the right way.

But I’ve learned this:

You’re never going to be perfect.

No book, no advice, no example will fully prepare you for your situation. Fatherhood is personal. It’s unique. And you learn as you go.

I’m learning to give myself grace… and trust the process.

To My Son

If you ever read this, just know this:

I may not have had the perfect example growing up… but I’m doing everything I can to be one for you.

Every call, every trip, every lesson—it all comes from love.

And even on the days I feel like I’m falling short… I’m still showing up.

Final Thoughts

Being a father isn’t about being perfect.

It’s about being present.
It’s about learning.
It’s about growing—even when it’s uncomfortable.

Your past doesn’t disqualify you. It builds you.

And no matter what you’ve been through… you still have the power to become something greater.

Don’t give up. No excuses.